There is a light that never goes out
by Fenella Church
Summary: What if Alex had believed Keats on that last night outside the Railway Arms and had gone with him instead of stepping into the pub? Not sure how the rating will end up on this, may change to an M.
1. Chapter 1

There is a light that never goes out

_'Take me out tonight_

_Where there's music and there's __people_

_And they're young and alive...'_

_._

Sometimes when she stood at the window she imagined she could feel him there. Eyes narrow and icy blue. Chin proud and determined. Pouty mouth.

'Gene?' she whispered.

He wasn't there of course. It had been a while since she left him standing in the freezing night and walked away.

'_You're a long time dead'_ echoed round her head sarcastically. If only she'd known then what she knew now how she would have begged and pleaded with him to let her stay in his strange half arsed world where in retrospect she realised she had felt free and alive and fabulous, like a siren, a temptress, a desirable mysterious creature that she had never been in the real world. Gene had made her feel that way. He had made her feel so many things she had never felt before and she missed him so badly.

She regretted so much about the way she had been in those last days. All the pain he had been in and she had bulldozed through those feelings, not thinking, not standing back and thinking things through calmly and carefully. Letting Keats manipulate her, use her as a weapon against him. To think she had imagined herself to be intelligent.

She whispered his name again. 'Gene'

'It doesn't matter how many times you say his name, he won't hear you.' Keats said gently. 'You made your choice Alex.'

She nodded but didn't look at Keats, she could never look at him, he was too ugly, too terrible, too evil, too triumphant.

All the promises that she would see Molly again had been a lie, a glamour. She had seen a child, but she wasn't Molly. She looked like Molly but she didn't feel or smell or sound like her. She was a husk of a child who had been wheeled in to placate Alex and she had shown her true dead self after a short while. The real Molly wasn't dead, she was warm and alive in the other world where Alex had lived so long ago she could barely remember anything about it nowadays.

'Let me go- please' she implored Keats. She could feel him standing behind her, his warm rancid breath on her neck. The scent of death was heavy and claustrophobic.

'Where are you hoping to go _to_?' Keats asked, amused.

'Let me go back to him.' Her voice was barely audible.

Keats roared with laughter, 'He didn't want you Alex. He saw you as a threat, don't you remember? He couldn't wait to get rid of you.'

'He was saving me- being selfless.' Alex protested.

'Keep telling yourself that.' Keats said. 'Get ready for dinner- put the black dress on. I've people to impress tonight.'

Alex wondered what would happen if she stayed in her room. She was frightened of Keats but she didn't know why. The worst that could happen had already happened hadn't it?

.

_Take me anywhere, I don't care_

_I don't care, I don't care_

_And in the darkened underpass_

_I thought Oh God my chance has come at last_

_But then a strange fear gripped me_

_And I just couldn't ask..._

_._

'Guv?'

Gene pretended not to hear the whiny voice. Lewis Beaufort. DI Lewis Beaufort. What a fucking poncey name.

'Guv?'

Gene turned around and glared at Beaufort but as usual his DI remained completely oblivious to the death ray stare.

'What?'

'Someone to see you, I took him to the interview room.' Beaufort said.

Gene sighed deeply; at least the kid was learning, he had learned for instance, not to bring just anyone to Gene's office, even though Gene had to rough him up a bit to get the message through. He followed Beaufort to the interview room, his curiosity piqued, he wasn't expecting anyone.

His visitor was Evan White. Gene's bottom lip crept over his top one momentarily as he tried to battle his feelings of discomfort.

'What do you want?' he grunted.

Evan moved forward and held out his hand, 'DCI Hunt, it's been a long time.'

'Not long enough.' Gene forced a grimace and ignored Evan's hand.

Evan shrugged, 'I'll try not to take up too much of your valuable time. It's just….. well, I saw someone you used to know the other day…..someone we both knew actually.. obviously. Alex Drake.'

Gene tried to keep his expression impassive, 'Really?'

'I heard she was dead.' Evan said, 'Yet I'm sure I saw her.'

'Where?' Gene asked, wishing his heart would stop blundering about in his chest.

'Holbourn.' Evan replied crisply. 'I'm sure it was her, she saw me but didn't speak, she looked straight through me, it was the oddest feeling, like seeing a ghost. I called after her but she disappeared into a building, and that was another odd thing, when I got to the door of the building it was all locked up, like the place was deserted, like no-one had been there for a very long time.'

'You were mistaken.' Gene told him, 'She's dead. You saw a woman who looked like her.'

Evan didn't seem convinced, 'So how did she die?'

'She got shot in a jewel heist.' Gene lied. 'It was a blood bath, we were stitched right up. She wasn't the only officer I lost that day.'

'Hmm.' Evan stared at him long and hard.

Gene puffed himself up and stared back, 'Was there anything else?' he asked.

'Was there an inquest?' Evan asked.

Gene nodded, 'Oh yes.'

'Have you a copy of the coroner's report handy by any chance?' Evan asked in his infuriatingly snotty manner.

'Funnily enough I haven't.' Gene said sarkily, patting himself down, 'But I'm sure if you poke about a bit you'll come across one. Feel free to ask at the front desk.'

Evan gave him a look that would have curdled milk before flouncing out of the room.

'Tosser.' Gene said under his breath, he grabbed a pack of cigarettes from his inside pocket and lit one, resting his bum on the edge of the table as he smoked and thought. He knew that he was supposed to have forgotten all about Alex but he hadn't and it didn't seem like he was ever going to. Which was putting a bit of a spanner in the works. His world was all about moving on but this time it just wasn't happening, the moving on thing had come to a grinding halt because he loved the stupid bint and couldn't stop thinking about her.

Back in CID he gazed out of the window into the dark winter's afternoon.

'Bolly.' He said softly, testing out a name he hadn't used in months, almost a year.

'Gene?' came the answer.

His mouth went dry. It really sounded like her- not just his wishful thinking. 'Bolly?' he said more loudly.

There was no answer, so it had been his imagination after all. His face set hard again as he agonised over his newfound information. Why had he assumed that Keats had sent her through to god knows what?

Gene was incredibly shaken up by the fact that Alex hadn't moved on and that she was still out there somewhere in the city. He turned from the window and looked into the smoky incident room, his eye catching on the whiteboard. Her whiteboard. He sniffed and his mouth quivered as he remembered how often he'd taken the piss out of Alex and her whiteboard.

He left his office and walked through his new team. Several pairs of eyes followed him as he crossed the carpet tiles with long legged strides until he reached the whiteboard.

'OK rabble, listen up' he said, and was quite impressed that they all paid attention immediately. He took the pen and wrote on the board. Then he turned back to the room, 'We have a missing person who needs to be found asap.' he announced. 'She's been sighted in Holbourn but she could be anywhere in the city.' he tapped the board, ' this is a description of Alex Drake- DI Alex Drake. As I said, I want her found.'

**a/n –**

**this was going to be a one-shot but I think it may have turned into a two-shot xx**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

_If a double decker bus crashes into us…_

'What does she look like?' asked DC Alfie Ross. 'This missing DI?'

'She looks like I've bloody written.' Gene said impatiently, waving his hand towards the whiteboard, 'Tall, dark-haired, just slutty enough to be attractive….'

'A photo would help, surely you've got one.' piped up Beaufort, 'It's not a lot to go on is it? Tall, dark and slutty.'

'Well I haven't got one, so tough titty.' Gene said.

'I have- somewhere- I'm sure.' Bammo said, heading towards his desk.

Gene followed him and watched with his mouth turned down as Bammo scrabbled about at the back of his bottom drawer. Bammo pulled out a Polaroid triumphantly, squinting hard at it before handing it to Gene, 'It was taken at Viv's party, I knew I had it because I came across it the other day when I was having a bit of a tidy up.'

'Obviously I'm not giving you enough to do if you're going all domestic.' Gene said, glancing down at the picture. His face changed as he took a good look. He was in the photo too. Alex was looking incredible in her short gold dress, and they were smiling at each other as if they shared some huge secret, which he supposed, they did, although it wouldn't have taken Miss Marple to work it out, it was blatantly obvious from the photo that they were in love.

He took a deep breath and handed the Polaroid to Beaufort, who nodded appreciatively and gave a low whistle, 'Wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

Gene stared Beaufort down witheringly until handed back the photo. He passed it to Alfie , 'As soon as everyone's had a good gawp I want you out on the streets asking questions.' he ordered. 'If we have to go through every London borough we will.'

'All of us?' Beaufort frowned, 'Surely we don't have the manpower for all of us to be out searching?'

'The phone's not exactly ringing off the hook is it?' Gene said, 'The quicker we get out there , the quicker we find 'er and you can all come back inside and start toasting your lardy arses again.'

He glanced around at their glum and slightly confused expressions and smiled more broadly than they had ever seen him, 'Come on then, mush!' He snatched the photo from DC Maisie Jackson, 'Thanks love.' and grabbed his coat.

.

It was freezing outside, Gene's breath was part smoke, part condensation. He got behind the wheel of his Mercedes and pulled out the Polaroid again, 'Bloody hell, Bolly, I thought I'd seen the last of you, yer hoity toity mare.' he muttered. His eyes darkened as he studied it, and became wistful as he remembered how happy they all were that night, and the way she had worn that dress just for him. He took a last long drag on his cigarette before flicking it out of the car window. Alex was still somewhere in this city, and he was going to find her.

.

_Please don't drop me home, Because it's not my home, it's their home_…

'You're getting very thin-like a skeleton.' Keats remarked. He pushed a plate of too pink lamb cutlets towards Alex and shook his head in a vexed manner as she pushed it back at him. 'Tut, tut- so childish, so petulant. It doesn't become you does it?'

'I really don't care if it _becomes_ me or not.' Alex said dully, 'I can't eat with you sitting there leering at me.'

'I don't leer Alex, not anymore.' Keats replied, 'Not since you made your feelings towards me so obvious. Even I have my pride. And, as I've explained to you before, you're not the first person to die you know, it happens to everyone. You're nothing special. So quit with the self-pity, it's getting so bloody tiresome.'

'Most people who are deceased aren't kept in a tormented limbo like me.' Alex said in a quaking voice, 'Gene was going to let me go. I was going with the others, with my friends..' her voice broke, 'people who cared about me, people I cared about, loved.'

'Until you decided by your own free will, not to go. We've been over this so many times and nothing changes.' He pulled out his cigarette case and lit up, crossing his legs, giving her a sour smile as he leaned back in his chair, smoking.

'I saw someone I knew today.' Alex blurted. She had meant not to tell.

'I doubt that very much.' Keats looked complacent, 'My world is separate from yours or Gene's, you know that.'

'Well I'm absolutely certain I saw Evan White-my godfather.' Alex told him.

Keats frowned, 'Young or old?'

'Young' Alex said.

He stubbed his cigarette out viciously, 'Nah- didn't happen. Not possible.'

'I'm certain.' Alex repeated, sure she had seen a tiny morsel of doubt in Keats' face. She smiled, 'When worlds collide eh? I was wondering ….. if I'm seeing people from his world…how long might it be before I bump into him?'

'There's only ever one 'he' for you isn't there?' mocked Keats, 'Go out, walk the streets, you won't find him, he might as well be on the moon.'

Alex got to her feet speedily, she didn't need telling twice.

'Take your gun, it's getting dark and I can't guarantee your safety.' Keats told her. 'It's not pleasant out there.'

He watched her go and though he found it hard to admit to himself he was slightly concerned that somehow Hunt may have crossed the divide and entered his territory – the underworld, He should have sent Alex down to complete her journey before she'd really gotten under his skin. But he hadn't and now he would pay for the perceived chink in his armour.

At first, Alex didn't take much notice of where she was. All the streets in Keats' world were ominous and grey, like they were unfinished, lacking the finer details. It was still London , but not really any part of London she knew. She gazed at the front door of the building they lived in. They never used the front door, Keats had always insisted they slid in through the back secretively , like he was ashamed of her. She wasn't to know that he shouldn't have kept her there in limbo and he needed to keep her hidden. She shuddered as she stared at the building and drew her thick coat up around her neck. She didn't care what happened to her, this time she wasn't going back.

Her feet rang on cobbles as she hurried through the chill night, looking for somewhere familiar. A freezing fog descended from nowhere, and she was grateful to see some bright lights in the distance- the train station! She could get on a train to anywhere- Fenchurch. If she got to the station there would have to be a train to Fenchurch, whatever world this was. As the name of the station became legible though her heart jolted nastily and she gasped.

'**Hellbound'**

She backed up quickly and blinked- tears pricked her eyes and she laughed out loud with relief as she re-read the brightly lit sign.

'**Holborn'**

'Stupid woman' she mumbled, tutting at herself. Then, sensing someone nearby she half turned to look behind her and saw a shadowy figure dart into a doorway. 'Jim?' she called uncertainly. It wouldn't surprise her if he had followed her, he rarely let her out alone, and never at night.

'Sorry to disappoint.' The disembodied voice replied.

Her legs almost gave way, 'G..G…Gene?'

The figure stepped from the doorway, 'Back on the game then Bolly?' Although he was trying to sound cool and detatched it wasn't working because his voice was so loaded with emotion it was husky.

She felt hot tears on her freezing cheeks and was weak with shock and relief, she had never thought she would see him again.' Is it really you?'

He reached his gloved hand towards her and she saw him out of silhouette for the first time, his face was slightly thinner but he hadn't changed much at all, the intensity of his eyes shocked her, she had forgotten how incredible they were although she had tried so hard to remember. She gazed up at him waiting for the touch of leather on her cheek.

'Guv?' someone yelled.

'Sodding hell'he grumbled under his breath, withdrawing his hand. 'I'm over here Beaufort.' Then, shockingly, he smiled a dazzling smile at Alex, 'So, how've you been Drakey?'

'Not good…'Alex began.

A fair haired nerdy type appeared at Gene's side and did a double take, 'Hang on.' He peered at her closely, 'you're her- the missing detective .'

'No flies on you.' Gene remarked, not looking at Beaufort, 'You can go tell the others the search is off, we've found what we're looking for. Then you can piss off home.'

'You were looking for me? But how, and why now suddenly after all this time?' Alex asked softly.

Gene shrugged, 'Evan told me he'd seen you.'

The temperature dropped another few degrees and Alex shivered. 'But how did you know exactly where to look?'

Gene nodded towards the station sign and Alex was horrified to see it read 'Hellbound' instead of 'Holborn' again.

'He sends his recruits through on the train' he explained, 'That's why I use the Railway Arms, hope to syphon a few off before they get on board. I thought if he was sending you through he'd do it about now.'

'He told me that the worlds were separate.' Alex said, 'He said I'd never see you again.'

'That'll be his dinky cock syndrome playing up. He needs a world to rule but he hasn't got one.' Gene said, 'He always was deluded. Why are we wasting time talking about him anyway? I could be showing you my car.'

Alex smiled, 'Lead the way.'

She could never have imagined the combined smell of leather, cigarette smoke and Paco Rabanne would be such a comfort, but as soon as she got into the Mercedes and the aromas hit her she felt better, and much stronger.

'So…do you like it?' Gene asked as he got in.

'Very flash.' Alex said, 'if a little sedate for you.'

'Yeah well I asked for a Porsche but the Met weren't having it.' he said. 'Where to then Madame Bollyknickers?'

'Not sure.' She felt awkward suddenly.

'Fenchurch East Station?' he suggested.

'Sounds wonderful.' she replied, her eyes filling with tears at the thought of returning to a place she had lost all hope of seeing again.

In his office he grabbed two glasses and a bottle of Johnnie Walker, 'This'll warm you up.'

She took the glass and looked out at the deserted incident room, 'You haven't changed much around here.'

He took his coat off and turned to face her, 'It doesn't appear to have changed but it's been very quiet around here for the last year or so . No mouthy women officers .'

'Just the way you like it then.' Alex said.

'Funnily enough I didn't like it.' Gene lowered his eyes, 'I suppose I'd got used to the wittering and when it stopped I couldn't concentrate.'

'What are you saying?' Alex teased, 'You can't possibly be saying that you missed me and you want me back, can you?'

'I don't have to say anything do I?' Gene said cockily, 'You do enough talking for the both of us.'

She walked across the office towards him and stopped when they were toe to toe, 'I have to make all the moves as well I suppose?'

He looked down at her and suddenly his lips were on hers and he was kissing her so forcefully she felt close to collapse, she clung to him knowing that she never wanted to let go, and also knowing she didn't have to let go. She was safe and back where she belonged. They finally broke apart but his arms went around her and he held her tightly. 'You're not leaving me again Bolly.' he said.

'Whatever you say Guv.' she replied.

xxxxx

Thanks to all who read, favourited and reviewed- sorry I'm so very slow at updating... (and sorry I misspelled Holborn in the first chapter)

Fen xxxx


End file.
